sick love

My husband that i hate to love, where should i start.... Really quick ill tell u why i have hate for him. Number 1 reason, I have shared him for almost half of my marriage. #  2  he got her pregnant after or right before our 4th child was born. #3 My sick love triangle that has been my marriage. #5 Why after all i have been through with him i cant stop loving him...........anyways readers, if u choose to read this , I warn u  i cant spell well and im kinda gonna be all over the place with my feelings.... I will probably post emails from his girlfriend and of my replies.....warning of bad language and sexual content. when i get mad i have a dirty mouth and its gonna show.